


How to disappear completely

by ridhima



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), lonelyeyes - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:42:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25645234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ridhima/pseuds/ridhima
Summary: Jonah Magnus is in love with Peter Lukas, which is to say he will not destroy the world for another day if he gets to taste his name in his mouth.The story of Jonah and Peter over the years, right from the construction of millbank prison to the end of the world.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard & Peter Lukas, Peter Lukas/Jonah Magnus, The Beholding/The Lonely (The Magnus Archives)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	How to disappear completely

**Author's Note:**

> i have a very funny story as to why i wrote this, please consult the end notes because i don't want to give any spoilers.  
> the title of the fic is a song by radiohead, my middle school self is very proud of me for that!

Two things I understood about Elias Bouchard when Gertrude Robinson first described him to me: despite his third class honours degree in philosophy and political science, the man loved an elaborate philosophical joke and if all the cigarettes he inhaled could diffuse out of his lungs, haemoglobin would shy away leaving behind a gray, overqualified undergrad working as a filing clerk in the archives.

Although, I’ll admit that I have crossed paths with Elias before. Even before the night the head archivist, Gertrude Robinson and head of the institute, James Wright saw him engaging with Peter Lukas. _I called that engagement an elaborate philosophical joke._

**\---**

“What kind of pancakes should I order? Why do we like what we like?” said Elias.

“I don’t know have you made your choice.” I replied. Me, I was just a bystander in the small London eatery who had only questioned the nature of existence under occasional usage of drugs.

“Choice!” Elias broke off,” choice is why we are destined to misery, we are radically free, we know we are capable of things we can’t have”.

Ah, misery! The morose philosopher didn’t know how I had seen people walk into doors, which led to the bottom of everything, tunnels that led to the centre of fear and flesh and books that well, led to the end.

“Do I have free will?” Elias asked me (a stranger)

“The only way to know is if you decide which pancakes to order”

A week later, Elias started working as a filing clerk at the Magnus institute; it is possible that I might have drawn the poor philosopher in; maybe he lost his free will after all!

\-- **-**

Now, to know more about our hero Elias Bouchard, it is very important that I tell you what Gertrude Robinson, that old cardigan lady told James Wright. She believed it was,” Jonah Magnus’ only weakness.”

“Robert, have you thought about my proposal that you complete the design of Millbank Prison”, asked Magnus standing with Robert Smirke in a tunnel whose walls smelled like disease and air was thicker than lead. If one was to go underground in this tunnel they could feel death approaching.

“Yes, my dear Jonah, however, you must comply with my one small request.”

“I shall agree but you mustn’t ask me about the panopticon”

“Jonah, I will design eccentric mazes, twisting corridors, narrow passages, poorly lit cells. The prisoners will be under the constant fear of being watched and subdued by brutal jailers. However, just fathom the fear of loneliness we can instil in such isolation, how it will consume them while their bones slowly melt in a massive pool of wretched solitary confinement”

_Now, I am not sure but I would like to believe that this was the day Robert Smirke coined the term “solitary confinement” which is still used in modern day prisons._ It is good to know that apart from Shakespeare our Victorian architect, Robert invented words too.

Of course, Jonah understood how the fear of crippling loneliness yet the feeling of being constantly watched would only accelerate a prisoner’s journey to a momentous hole of fear; enough that he could feed on it. So Robert insisted that he asks the Lukas family for their help. Jonah’s mind immediately raced to Mordechai Lukas before he voluntarily dragged that image out of his head and beat the living hell out of it.

Yes, now I know you want me to tell you this story too. If you were to ask Jonah Magnus about Mordechai, he’d say that they were rivals. That he disliked him ever since they met at Robert Smirk’s supper to celebrate the construction of royal opera house. He remembers him hogging oysters and wine. _With all that money and associations that man couldn’t do one thing for the lonely- directly spoken by Jonah also while eating oysters._ However if one were to ask Mordechai about Magnus, he’d say they were great friends and loved to ravish oysters together. But Jonah’s ultimate interest had always been the eye and its grand ritual- _the watchers crown._

Months flowed in and out and there began the construction of the prison, every confined prison cell every damp corner made Jonah feel more eccentric. Until one day Mordechai bought along another Lukas, Peter Lukas now that felt like ecstasy.

**\---**

Peter; the soon to be captain of the tundra ship, the youngest Lucas to serve the lonely, the tall-lanky broody fellow with br0wn eyes possessing the powers to vanish, the boy almost on the cusp of tasting immortality- that’s just how I’d describe him, the way our dear smitten, pining Jonah did after 2 months of knowing Peter went something like:

My very core is shaken every time I am next to him, Robert. Like a man lost in conversation with himself flinches when death rings the doorbell at midnight. I understand his silence, his breed of quiet. All the time I spent in his living room trying to memorise the strumming pattern of his breathing in my shallow palms. I know how sometimes his shadow feels heavier than the silhouette it has been loaned to. But I want to haunt his loneliness, I want to shake these walls and communicate through smoke signals sent through his charred stove. I would throw myself into the gaping wound of his past only to undo everything that ever made him feel allergic to hope. But I am a sinner, and I am selling away my soul to be with him longer which is to say _I’d not ruin this world for another day if I got to taste my name in his mouth._

Now, would you believe me if I were to tell you that years later, Jonah Magnus held a loaded gun on Peter’s stomach?

It took another year but the construction of millbank prison was complete. As years passed, the prison became infamous for its brutality and Jonah became more powerful, feeding on the fears of locked up beings _. He relished as the lost drop of sanity seeped out of them, leaving him ever more powerful sitting in the panopticon feasting on it. He knew how close he was to the watchers crown_.

**\---**

“Peter, tell me about the lonely.” Asked Jonah, with his eyes fixed on the back of peter’s neck. He could have known the answer to this question without even asking him, but he wouldn’t want to do that, not to Peter.

“I spent months and years passing my life away in tiny rooms and I was so content with that. How delicious it was to stretch out on a lumpy mattress alone. Rolling cigarettes in the dark, watching that red ash glow. Sometimes it would fall on my chest and I’d just leap out laughing; wanting nothing and having nothing. All I had was I to feed upon and it filled my soul. I only became emptied when I had to return. But alone, I blossomed when everything everywhere was quiet and perfect.”

Now I would like to add that no clothes were involved during this conversation.

**\---**

From what peter understood, Jonah would keep feasting on the prisoners whilst serving the eye and he would leave for the Tundra soon. This way equilibrium between the lonely and the eye had been set. Together, they would serve their entities and for now this would be enough, the world wouldn’t have to end.

Yes, Jonah never told him about the watchers crown and how the millbank prison was just a premise for the construction of the panpoticon so he could initiate the eye, become immortal and instil all the suffering. Of course Peter found out. He wanted to exist in this realm with Jonah, where his love for him wasn’t the only metaphysical gravity to exist. To bring about the watchers crown meant immortality of a world ruled by Jonah and the eye but eventual entropy, death and decay of their love.

_I guess you know what he chose, else my dear boy peter wouldn’t be so melancholy till this day and Gertrude wouldn’t have told all of this to James. Who after gaining this piece of knowledge disappeared for days only to return back as someone Gertrude failed to recognize. He looked the same, he talked in a similar manner but he just reeked of evil. And she was one smart woman, what a waste, if you were to ask me!_

**\---**

“Thank you Peter, for coming down to the archives to give this statement, I was wary you wouldn’t because as evidence suggests, your family was rather active during the destruction of prison as an attempt to take on the world. However, I’d say that it was a massive failed attempt in the least.”

“Oh Gertrude, yes it was a miserable failure, but you must know I was most relieved with the outcome. Not the part where Jonah died, that was too much pain to catalogue; look at what it lead me to, just postponing death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving and mostly losing.”

As much as Gertrude Robinson irks me, I will not shy away from admitting that she was one clever lady. I knew the day Peter came down to the archives; she had enough to start pointing fingers at the disappearance of James Wright, something to account for his new smug, evil demeanour.

“I told Jonah that I believed I am, ah... sorry was, the penultimate love of his life that we will make plans to travel and he will remember my eyes as much as green as gray that he will pick up my damp towel from the bed, until he won’t. I will start to notice how his hairline is becoming untrustworthy and he will notice how much I drink only to finally realize that that my eyes are brown after all. So when I tried to stop the watchers crown, he said it was the ultimate love in his life.”

As far as I can remember, the ritual failed. To validate its cost, Jonah Magnus died along with hundreds of prisoners (his body was still unaccounted for) and my dear boy Peter left for the tundra I assume to feel more and less lonely at once.

“Empathy doesn’t suit me Peter and I bet you have no interest in nonsense like sympathy. Is there anything you can tell me that might help?”

“Before leaving, **Jonah said that time’s curse affects us all**. This was an attempt to be eternal. To not exist as individuals but as specimen in time’s museum. That there will be a day when he will arrive and leave. In all this, history will get entwined. History can’t witness things that leave behind nothingness. He said he needed to do this, so we could exist outside of history. That there will be a day when two people will meet and history will record it down like a documentation of sorrows. He believed that history was reality’s story and to love me, meant he had to exist beyond history.”

“If Jonah wasn’t so poetic as death approached, it would have been easier for me to make sense out of this. Now, tell me about the tundra Peter.”

“The tundra was vast, Gertrude. Sometimes the grief was nearby, waiting, just barely held back, and I could ignore it for a while. But mostly it was like a cup that was always full and kept spilling over. I know why Jonah did what he did and I don’t understand how it is connected to James Wright but I do know that even _if I can take all this sadness and throw it away; I am still left with these damn hands.”_

**\---**

No. No. This story is still very much about our morose philosopher, filing clerk, Elias. In the weeks to come, James Wright started frequenting the filing section of archives, interacting with our very own hero! It was quite unlike him to show any interest towards a part of archives that didn’t contain old rusty books. _“Oh Gertrude I am just going there a lot because I want you to get the very best of statements. I am telling you they are all connected, you **don’t see but I clearly do**. And that fellow Elias, he will come here daily to sort out the best of statements for you.”- _ A lousy explanation for the escapades.

So, there Elias began bringing an assortment of statements each day for the archivist. Soon he got familiar with Gerard Keay who just like him couldn’t get himself to quit the archives. I will admit it was something I had not planned but it sure did please James a lot. Elias encountered Peter Lucas in the hallways of the archives, in James’ office and oh once I even got him to disrupt a recording Gertrude and Peter had. I was doing my bit sincerely however; James did ignite Gertrude’s suspicion by drawing peter to visit the archives even after the recording of his statement. And I only ever gave oxygen to such an ignition. _Yes, this was the day I got all the oxygen tanks for the archives; believe me they will prove useful one day._

**\---**

Now, our young Elias loved to party, which James found out about through Gerard. One evening he disrupted a recording peter was part of to invite him and Gertrude along with Gerard and a very special filling clerk to drinks.

And that was the night Elias Bouchard asked Peter about his ‘poison’ which made peter chuckle. _People don’t need poison, just make them sit in a room with their thoughts in the loneliest building of London and they will forget the difference between someone who is alone and someone who is accepting of loneliness-_ a second later he realized that it would make a great business proposition for the lonely.

That night our drunk Elias, with nowhere to go, finding his home intolerable, showed up at Peter’s. ( James told him about peter’s, he had been there once when James asked him to drop a special thank you gift for funding the archives; yes it was unlike him to be so kind, trust me Gertrude Robinson didn’t sleep that night).

Anyway, Elias was Tipsy and eager to crawl in bed for the weekend. The next day Peter nursed a hung-over Elias with coffee and silence until he kicked him out on Monday morning. This went on for a lot of Fridays until it dwelled into a habit with Elias all smoked up, drunken landed in peter’s white sheets. Then one Friday Peter found himself disappointed, standing outside his door when Elias didn’t show up, he sensed something missing. So, the next time he saw Elias, he gave him a key to his house and asked him not to drink so much or to recite such terrible poetry or make him question the philosophy of determinism.

**\---**

“Extra recording by Gertrude Robinson, last week I met Jurgen Lightener. I wasn’t aware that he and his occult books have been residing in the tunnels beneath our institute. He wants me to refer to these books as living entities; he said that each one of them holds enough power to destroy the world. I am very wary of James; I have reasons to believe that James isn’t James Wright. I need to sketch out his timeline of disappearance. And what is with his odd fascination with Elias! Although, I have heard that he and peter are so to say um very close; Gerard has a hard time keeping things from me even though this sort of gossip doesn’t absorb me. Also, Lightener mentioned that he has seen James frequenting the tunnels a lot; what does he want? As far as i know it is just vast nothingness. And one time he saw Peter and James together in the tunnels. I need to read up on Millbank prison and...”

No. you don’t need to hear all of that, Gertrude as smart as she was, was really very boring. So for your own well being I don’t mind telling you the full account of James and Peter’s tunnel escapade. But before that, do you mind if I indulge you in a quirky conversation between our lover boy and peter?

Peter had taken Elias to the building in central London, still under construction which was going to be his premise to lure people into the lonely. _This was his answer to Elias’ question:” what do you even do for work Peter?”_ It was late night and all construction had hauled for the day. What seemed to be a farce structure to Elias for now was soon going to house tenants with an attempt to isolate them from the world. _There is a fine line between solitude and loneliness; it is easier to find dignity in solitude but loneliness is just solitude with a problem._ What peter wanted to do was to blur all these lines until pain became the real tenant; the one whose one months notice came even after death.

“Elias, do you believe in God?” peter asked, standing upright against a wall, with his coat all white from the drying plaster, (even London snow wasn’t so white) in a dark room, under construction on the 12th storey of the loneliest building in London. I am not sure why he asked him this, maybe he was trying out some ways in which he could explain the lonely to Elias. At least that’s what I told James Wright.

“Sorry peter, I am now an atheist, but have you ever read Nietzsche?” like I mentioned in the very beginning, the man loved an elaborate philosophical joke! He could still see peter’s eyes in all this dark, something about them brightened every time they were alone.

“I really worry about you, oh boy how did you even end up working at the archives!”

“I was miserable peter, one evening I was walking 3 miles to get home, I wanted to die. I couldn’t think of words and was coming down hard on everything. My walk was terrible, I didn’t seem to have a heart at all and my whole past seemed to be full. So, I started answering all questions that came to my mind: Yes I hate the dark, No I love the light, yes I won’t speak. No I will write. Yes I will breed. No I will not love. I was never allowed any love but only its distance. I accepted all that and stopped listening to the questions in my head waiting for silence to resume.”

Peter paced towards Elias, who was standing near the opposite end of the room. He grabbed his waist and shoved him into the wall, with his hands behind his back so the landing wouldn’t hurt; it was his coat’s turn to enjoy the white and then he kissed him. He kissed him like his teeth were howling wolves. He kissed him with his hands with his ribs; he kissed him like ghost orchids were slowly dancing in his mouth, he kissed him to wish the blood in his mouth was Elias’.

A minute later, Peter lit up a cigarette, with the rear end in his mouth; Elias walked towards him and put the far end in his and then Peter inhaled. Elias drank up all the smoke.

“Peter, there’s not a Shakespeare sonnet that’s easier to like than you or harder to forget. If you think that is extravagant, I haven’t finished yet- I like you more than I would like to have a cigarette.”

Now, I indulged you with this conversation to gain your trust. The conclusion of this tale is right in front of you in all the details.

Later that night, peter told Elias that he will leave for the tundra in a month. Elias was told that it was another one of his business propositions. He didn’t question it; but instead said, _“Captain of the tundra, do you want me to practise rubbing sunscreen on you?”_

**\---**

“When was the last time you were here Peter?” James asked him, as they walked around the tunnels. Would you believe me if I told you that I tried to talk James out of this? Please read this as a cautionary tale.

“Well, the last time I was here, Jonah held my face in his palms and said that any moment might be our last and that everything was more beautiful because we were doomed. That I would never be lovelier than I was then and we might never be here again”

“I suppose his absence didn’t make you lonely?” The question pierced right through him, even with all his ability to vanish, he still wouldn’t be safe.

“I am never lonely or I rather never suffer from loneliness. I suffer more from the idea that my loneliness might be taken away from me by a lot of merciless well meaning people”

“Then I suppose Jonah taking over the world wouldn’t have been such a bad thing?” Peter saw guilt in James’ eyes when he said this. He could draw it off as just some sympathy from him but no, it felt different.

As they walked around in the poorly lit maze, Peter thought about the last time he really came down to the tunnels, it was to find Jonah’s body. Unable to do so, he took the only manifestation he had left; a piece of paper on which Jonah wrote **” time’s curse affects us all”** and hid it under the floorboard. Years passed and sometimes a new person in his bed would talk about the fountains in Germany, but all he could think of was Jonah’s knees in London; the fourth time he fell in love with him. Each time he kissed someone new, they became a hot air balloon filled with Jonah, who tasted like a dream he wanted to shake out of. Now, this tunnel has rotten out of all its glory but he can still hear it echo Jonah’s laugh.

James stood there, at a distance in all this dark, _he could hear Peter think_. When peter spotted James, he could feel him crawling inside his thoughts as if he was trying to sieve out all the pain

“James, one thing I have learnt is that time is not a balm that heals everything. I am older now; I still miss the ones I lost to death. I like to think of time as snow. While it buries down grief with each passing moment, it also melts down on one random morning. Exposing old grieves to us like unhealed wounds to heat. The longer the time, the deeper the buried grief. But still, it will melt, it will melt some day.”

He thought about what Elias told him once; he said that grief is just love with no place to go. Elias Bouchard, Peter repeated the name in his head and its taste appeared in James’ mouth. Peter could sense all the light drain out his face to match the dark of the tunnel; he knew he had enough to start pointing fingers.

James started pacing towards peter, his absence had been like a needle, and everything he ever did got stitched with it. All he said was,” **_time’s curse affects us all”_**

Peter felt these words spill out like wine, warm, red and intoxicating. He felt like someone doomed his ruins, like he was drunk and dying at the same time. He tried to draw some sense only realise he now stood directly in front of the panopticon.

James, now standing closer to Peter repeated,” time’s curse affects us all” he tried to reach out for Peter’s shoulder, _but before he could, peter just vanished into thin air._

**\---**

Peter recalled the last time he felt happiness seep in, he was aboard the tundra, and it was the hottest summer of the year. So hot that he couldn’t wear any clothes and he slept on top of the sheets instead of under them. And then at some point, late, late at night probably just before the dawn, the heat broke. The night turned cool and he briefly woke up, he noticed he was chilly and almost half consciously he wrapped the sheets around himself. And just that flimsy sheet was enough to warm him up for sleep. And it was that reflex, that gesture that he had to pull someone or something that was warm. The feeling he got, when he did that; warm and ready for sleep that is when he felt happy. So the next morning he knew what he had to do. He understood that sorrow and loss were constant but he couldn’t carry all his love for Jonah and the grief it brings behind his back; the sadness would paralyse him. So in the end he packed it all in a bag and found somewhere to leave it.

Jonah’s words today felt like someone just locked peter inside a room with all those bags, he felt the sadness call him, its voice was familiar, it looked different but peter knew it only had the same things to say. He knew he still loved Jonah, but he had spent years eternalizing the fact that they are separated by too much time, distance and death to be together. He still loves Jonah; he has collected all his unspent love from years in the hollow corner of his chest but he doesn’t have the stomach to live in a post apocalyptic world where Jonah can see everything but peter can’t see Elias Bouchard.

So, peter knew what he had to do, he had to stop Jonah and that was possible only if he left for the Lonely.

And then I saw Peter trade away the secret of The Lonely to Elias. He told him how the world might be ending soon, and as much as he would like to spend every last second of it hearing him talk about Camus, it is too late and he must leave for the Tundra. He told him about the entities, about the loneliest building in London.

“Elias, I must leave now but you need to tell all of this to Gertrude. Ask her to destroy the tunnels, destroy the panopticon.”

“How do you know Jonah will not proceed with the ritual if you leave for the tundra?”

“Because the eye can’t reach the Lonely Elias, he will not go on with the ritual if I won’t be there in a world ruled by the eye. Trust me, he will not. I must leave Elias.”

“Does that mean if he succeeds with the ritual, you will not come back from the lonely?”

“Yes, I won’t. Elias, please find Gertrude.”

“Look Peter, I know you are a loner, you disappear and make me miss you. You come back and I get so grateful it is pathetic. I get it that you crave space and freedom and that the wild is your only lover. So I will take you as you are, but stop by whenever. You don’t have to give me anything. Leave me with nothing but please stop for a second and let me look at you. Let me look at you before it is too late and I am too tired to think if I will still be whispering Camus’ words in your ears as you bite my neck in a world that still exists. So I will wait for you to come back and I will read Nietzsche every night. Peter, the philosophy of Compatibilism says that everything is pre decided, but what matters is the intent while choosing it. And I am just left wondering if you are leaving because of fate or because of everything we couldn’t be when you were still around.”

Peter looked at Elias, he wished that if he had to exist in such a world; let it be bloody and hard. “Elias, don’t wish for my happiness, it has gone beyond that now. I am lonelier than this whole world that contains me. Here I will have to forget you and Jonah in order to go on but in the lonely I can quietly carry all this love for you.”

After saying that peter vanished, and you must have predicted what happened next. I left the clues for you all along. Why else would I say that this story was about OUR HERO, ELIAS?

**\---**

“Extra recording by Gertrude Robinson, it has been 14 months since James tried to initiate the eye in the tunnels. It was a failed attempt in the least, so this was the second time Jonah Magnus died trying to attempt the ritual. James’ body was discovered in the panopticon, I would have had no clue about this if Elias wasn’t so alerted. Credit where it is due to him but, James chose Elias as his replacement for the head of the institute now that seems to bother me. Elias isn’t so to say very meticulous with the job and with peter gone he is doing even the minute tasks in a very pathetic way. Ah. But he will get there I am sure. I mean it is better than having a boss whose body is inhabited by someone who wants to end the world. This has made me believe that Jurgen was correct all along. I have spent the better part of the year researching about entities and with James or um Jonah being dead I feel a bit safe.”

You see what I did there? Ha! Didn’t interrupt the recording this time. Poor Gertrude, I will let her have this moment and let her dwell on the fact that she saved the world. But for me it was our hero! Elias Bouchard. All this might give her enough confidence to approach Agnes; not that she needs it!

Anyway, with Peter gone and Elias promoted, I have had a lot of time to ravish doing nothing. Here is an interesting fact! A week ago I went to a park in central London and I saw a bunch of kids threaten a boy because he didn’t know who harry potter was! This got me really curious. Not only did I make myself familiar with all the movies but also treated myself with a Raven claw scarf.

Oh and before I forget, Peter came back from the tundra, which honestly was a huge relief for me because Elias wouldn’t shut up about Camus. Let me indulge you in our hero’s great romantic day. It is a shame that my raven claw scarf wasn’t involved in it.

**\---**

Peter stood outside the loneliest building in London. He is here to meet Elias; in 5 minutes he is going to see the boy he has starved to lay eyes on from the past 14 months. The London snow is a bit whiter tonight. The snow is slowly gathering on his shoulders, on his hands which are trembling cold. He looks at the white snow sticking on his tanned hands and smiles; his smile is full of nostalgia. He recalled what Jonah used to say, **” Time’s curse affects us all Peter and to love you, I must exist outside history”** He spent so much time eternalizing this line, that if someone was to ask him about Jonah, he’d tell them about his love for oysters first, his friendship with Robert second and then words would start stumbling refusing to leave his tongue because he’d recall Jonah’s eyes, his hands, his throat with the name peter in it, he’d cover it up with an awkward smile while this line would silently take sprints in his head leaping past hurdles of death. He missed him so pathetically that if one morning he woke up without hands, Jonah would rise from his grave and hate him for holding onto him. But he mourned him, he mourned him for years. And there he was, in James’ body. How does mourn him now, does he shake James’ corpse to drag whatever Jonah was in there to come out? Peter looked at his hands again, all the snow had made them blue, and his shoulder pads were now white. _He loves Jonah enough to mourn him again;_ he concluded his train of thoughts and walked to the terrace to meet Elias Bouchard.

Elias was standing on the terrace, leaned against the wall, smoking a cigarette. He saw Peter walk towards him

“Elias, my life, it is late now, I am a bit tired, it is snowing. And I love you, I love you, I love you- give me a few days of peace in your arms. I need it terribly. I am ragged, worn, exhausted. After that, I can face the world. But if you hold me now, the world, it will end. And I have ended the world before and no one survived at least not me.”

Peter now stood in front of Elias; he stretched his palm and touched Peter’s cheeks. Skin remembers how long years grow when it is not touched. Peter wanted to hold him, even if it would hurt. He flicked away his cigarette and pulled him close.

_There was just a loud sound, the coldest night of London now felt warm, Peter looked at his hands, and the London snow was now red._

_Peter dropped to his knees and Elias tossed away his gun. He held him in his arms, he tried to hold onto his hair, his red hands, his face, his elbows, his stomach where he shot him until the last cell in his body stopped functioning and then he said out loud **,” time’s curse affects us peter, and to love you, I must exist outside history.”**_

A minute later, Gertrude Robinson’s desk was covered in blood.

**\---**

Our hero Elias Bouchard, didn’t I tell you in the beginning of this tale that you wouldn’t believe me if I told you that Jonah Magnus held a loaded gun on Peter’s stomach! Now before I tell you who I am, let me tell you this story:

When Peter gossiped about the conversation between Jonah and Robert to Gertrude, who in turn with all her jest to save the world, told this to James, knew I had to save Jonah. So, Jonah killed James and became the head of the institute; I thought things would be easier to control then. James got full access to the tunnels, to Jurgen’s books and believe me the job “head of the institute” is a joke. We were so close to the watchers crown but soon, Peter began over sharing which only made Gertrude more suspicious.

So, I insisted why not distract Peter with a little morose philosopher. Elias continued to do so (that’s why I call him our hero). But oh to be in love! Jonah or James whatever you might call him grew vulnerable when he saw Elias and Peter writing love letters to each other from their mouths. So, he called Peter to the tunnels, just to reminisce. But oh nostalgia! Peter went on about Jonah and the guilt of ending the world and leaving peter finally caught up to him. Peter was right; Jonah would not initiate the eye if it meant living in this world without him. So all James had to do now was to lure Elias in the archives, which Peter did himself in an attempt to save the world and kill him. Can I go and laugh at Gertrude’s face now? Old cardigan lady thought she saved the world, it is sad she’s dead, my condolences. Amen. 

Jonah’s plan that night was never to initiate the watchers crown but to simply kill Elias, gouch his eyes, inhabit his body and become the head of the institute. Oh and what fun it was for him to be in Elias’ body pretending to not know a thing about the functioning of archives simply to torment Gertrude. And peter, he had to die. Jonah couldn’t initiate the eye while he was still alive. He loved him a bit too much to end the world while he was still in it.

The archivist I now speak directly to you. It is time for you to know who I am now.

**Repeat after me:**

**I am, I am I, I am I, I am I , I am I, I am I, I AM I, I AM EYE, I AM THE EYE; JONAH MAGNUS.**

Now the archivist, I know you are reading this out loud, and I know death is approaching me. So just say this out loud for me, so it is recorded as history.

I loved peter, for the way my ventricles were full of his blood, how timidly my anguish self wanted his desolated madness, I manifested all his shattered sanity. I love him for now he dances in my moonlight chaos, leaves a taste of his despair on my tongue, I know even my shadows embrace his dimness. I shall always love him, for I will always dote upon his wrecked scars on my tender words, I just don’t have a word for his eyes though!

Statement ends.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you must have gone through all of the fic, the reason i wrote it because the alphabet " I" and word "EYE" sound the same. it is such a lame observation that it is funny.


End file.
